Friday, August 06, 2004
Robot Pictures |10:10 PM|
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Thursday, August 05, 2004
Crab God |8:36 AM| As I may have already mentioned, I purchased a crab. I purchased other fish for my fish tank, but for the moment the crab is getting most of my attention.
He's kind of cute, for a horrid little monster. For a creature that so closely resembles an armored spider, I don't feel the same immediate aggression as I do towards actual, land based arachnids.
The crab in question is called a red claw crab, but that's about the limit on reliable information that I can find on this creature.
Crabs are a little below dogs and cats in the level of "cuddliness" they possess. It certainly doesn't help that I'm about (consult google for weight conversion) 700 times larger than he is. His current behavior when I open the tank is to scuttle into his hiding places. This doesn't surprise me, seeing as the crab has a cluster of nerve endings serving as a brain, and a long term memory of about 15 seconds.
I suppose that for each crab, their life resembles the movie Memento. "So what am I doing? Scuttling...right. Scuttling." Of course, were they to get tiny tattoos to remind them of the meaning of their lives it surely wouldn't be one demanding revenge or the record of some terrible wrong. It'd probably just be "food tastes good".
It must be quite the religious experience each day for the crab, when I walk up to its universe.
"Scuttle...scuttle...dig. Digging. Digging...scuttle. Pinch claws. Scutt...HOLY FUCKTOIDS WHAT IS THAT?.....Oh hey there's food here. Eat. Scuttle..."
The crab probably isn't ever going to see me as anything more than a terrifying god that can change space and time, so I'm not training him to sit up, beg, or roll over any time soon. I wasn't aware he could hang upside down in his little cave, but it's not like there's a quick command for that trick. Well, besides tapping on the glass and saying "Hey! You fuckin' crab!" but that would scare the crab and possibly kill it, wasting my $2.99 investment.
I am still amused at watching him eat. If you want to imitate a crab, just move your arms in such a way that your hands come to your mouth but your wrists stay straight. Do it slowly, as if the very action depresses the hell out of you.
I suppose I could try an put a leash on the crab, assuming it wouldn't just clip right through it. However, I think the whole process of me trying to walk the crab would be immensely stressful for said crustacean.
"Hey, what's going on, what's this on my head? What the HOLY JEEEEEESUS CHRIST WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?....Hey, what's going on, what's this on my head?...."
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Monday, August 02, 2004
Cakes for the damned |3:52 PM| Portal helped me bake a cake over the weekend.
A HYPNO-CAKE.
HYPNO-CAKE CANNOT BE TRUSTED
HYPNO-CAKE CANNOT BE DENIED
This cake is decadent beyond human understanding. It's the devil's food cake recipe from the Ghiradelli cookbook my parents keep stealing from me. Damn, it's marvelous. I may bake another while I still have the supplies. Portal did a fantastic frosting job on it, my frosting efforts always come out disasterous. I'll have to have her over again to frost the second one. She was impressed that I keep baking parchment paper on hand.
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While explaining Communion and the wafers to my girlfriend |12:05 PM| Me: Anyhow, the priest has this much larger wafer that he holds up during the blessing.
Portal: That doesn't seem fair. He gets the larger one?
Me: Well, it's so that everyone can see it inside the church. He breaks it up and gives it to the people helping him hand out the communion wafers and wine.
Portal: What's the largest bone in the body? The leg bone?
Me: The femur?
Portal: So that wafer is like the femur of Christ?
-----------------Also on that note:
Me: That's kind of like that old anti-Mcdonalds ad, with the picture of the chicken and the question "What part of the chicken is the nugget?"
I've forgotten the name of the people that help the priest hand out the wafers and wine, I used to get such good grades in religon class.
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Robot Pictures |10:10 PM|
Labels: Broken Links, Pictures
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Thursday, August 05, 2004
Crab God |8:36 AM| As I may have already mentioned, I purchased a crab. I purchased other fish for my fish tank, but for the moment the crab is getting most of my attention.
He's kind of cute, for a horrid little monster. For a creature that so closely resembles an armored spider, I don't feel the same immediate aggression as I do towards actual, land based arachnids.
The crab in question is called a red claw crab, but that's about the limit on reliable information that I can find on this creature.
Crabs are a little below dogs and cats in the level of "cuddliness" they possess. It certainly doesn't help that I'm about (consult google for weight conversion) 700 times larger than he is. His current behavior when I open the tank is to scuttle into his hiding places. This doesn't surprise me, seeing as the crab has a cluster of nerve endings serving as a brain, and a long term memory of about 15 seconds.
I suppose that for each crab, their life resembles the movie Memento. "So what am I doing? Scuttling...right. Scuttling." Of course, were they to get tiny tattoos to remind them of the meaning of their lives it surely wouldn't be one demanding revenge or the record of some terrible wrong. It'd probably just be "food tastes good".
It must be quite the religious experience each day for the crab, when I walk up to its universe.
"Scuttle...scuttle...dig. Digging. Digging...scuttle. Pinch claws. Scutt...HOLY FUCKTOIDS WHAT IS THAT?.....Oh hey there's food here. Eat. Scuttle..."
The crab probably isn't ever going to see me as anything more than a terrifying god that can change space and time, so I'm not training him to sit up, beg, or roll over any time soon. I wasn't aware he could hang upside down in his little cave, but it's not like there's a quick command for that trick. Well, besides tapping on the glass and saying "Hey! You fuckin' crab!" but that would scare the crab and possibly kill it, wasting my $2.99 investment.
I am still amused at watching him eat. If you want to imitate a crab, just move your arms in such a way that your hands come to your mouth but your wrists stay straight. Do it slowly, as if the very action depresses the hell out of you.
I suppose I could try an put a leash on the crab, assuming it wouldn't just clip right through it. However, I think the whole process of me trying to walk the crab would be immensely stressful for said crustacean.
"Hey, what's going on, what's this on my head? What the HOLY JEEEEEESUS CHRIST WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?....Hey, what's going on, what's this on my head?...."
Labels: Broken Links, Fish, Pictures
(0) comments
Monday, August 02, 2004
Cakes for the damned |3:52 PM| Portal helped me bake a cake over the weekend.
A HYPNO-CAKE.
HYPNO-CAKE CANNOT BE TRUSTED
HYPNO-CAKE CANNOT BE DENIED
This cake is decadent beyond human understanding. It's the devil's food cake recipe from the Ghiradelli cookbook my parents keep stealing from me. Damn, it's marvelous. I may bake another while I still have the supplies. Portal did a fantastic frosting job on it, my frosting efforts always come out disasterous. I'll have to have her over again to frost the second one. She was impressed that I keep baking parchment paper on hand.
Labels: Broken Links, Mariko, Pictures
(0) comments
While explaining Communion and the wafers to my girlfriend |12:05 PM| Me: Anyhow, the priest has this much larger wafer that he holds up during the blessing.
Portal: That doesn't seem fair. He gets the larger one?
Me: Well, it's so that everyone can see it inside the church. He breaks it up and gives it to the people helping him hand out the communion wafers and wine.
Portal: What's the largest bone in the body? The leg bone?
Me: The femur?
Portal: So that wafer is like the femur of Christ?
-----------------Also on that note:
Me: That's kind of like that old anti-Mcdonalds ad, with the picture of the chicken and the question "What part of the chicken is the nugget?"
I've forgotten the name of the people that help the priest hand out the wafers and wine, I used to get such good grades in religon class.
(0) comments
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