Monday, April 25, 2005
Incredibly Stupid |2:36 AM|
My toilet stopped filling up properly today. A couple months ago, my girlfriend had similar issues with her own toilet. I had worked on hers a bit, and hit a certain point that made me realize this was beyond my normally impressive amateur plumbing skill. The plumber apparently had to do quite a bit to fix hers, there was nothing I could have done. The work had also been somewhat expensive. Naturally, I was worried that my own toilet had the same problem, and I wanted to know as soon as possible. I checked the main water valve on the wall, and actually turned it up a bit. I pulled off the tank cover, and started poking around.

This one inlet I recognized, and started dis-assembling it. It was the valve controlled by the tank float, and had been part of the issue on Portal's porcelain throne. Now, on her toilet, this particular valve cap had posed no actual risk, because at the time, her toilet had very little incoming water, due to a bad something-or-other.
I'm fiddling around, and realize this one component is really tough to take off, at least, in the way I'm doing it. Examining it, I realize from its shape that it comes off in a very special way. It needs to be turned at a certain angle, and only possible with the mechanical advantage given by the tank float's mooring handle.
This was a way of making it highly secure, able to withstand a great amount of pressure, I later realized.
I grabbed the mooring handle, lined up the tabs, twisted gently, and was instantly blinded by Niagara Fucking Falls.

There comes a point when performing home repair, painting projects, pyrotechnics and other pastimes, that notions of safety, completing the project, and cost effectiveness fall away, leaving only the thought of "OH SHIT HOW CAN I HIDE WHAT I JUST DID"
When the top valve control blew off and a solid column of water erupted directly into my face, the first thing that shot into my mind was "Oh hell I hope my downstairs neighbor doesn't notice the water". This was immediately followed by an old Calvin and Hobbes strip, the important part of which was "IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD"
I was jamming my fingers into the torrent akin to Spock at the end of "The Wrath of Khan" while blindly fumbling around for the shut off valve at the bottom of the toilet. Luckily it worked, bringing me, soaked, to the computer to tell you, the reader, all about it.

Update: Huzzah, I have fixed the problem. No, the first issue, as well as the problems I caused.

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