Mean |8:09 PM| Yesterday was "Mean day" for Suzy and I. Nearly every interaction consisted of sarcastic jokes, and general mockery.
Throughout the day, ass slapping was used to communicate "I need your attention", "stop that" and "I am equipped with a right hand."
Me: Awwww! Try not to strain yourself crying!
Suzy hates scallops. She wouldn't have any in her fried rice dinner
Suzy: You're eating scallops! You're a cheating vegetarian!
Me: Am not!
Suzy: They have a nervous system! Cheater!
Later
Suzy: This fried rice is missing something, it's a little bland.
Me: Maybe, just maybe if you had something else in there, perhaps scallops?
Suzy: Yeah well my dinner is actually vegetarian.
Alisa and Jeff: OOooooo!
Suzy: Rootbeer? Are you trying to get fat?
Grabbing my stomach
Suzy: Fatter?
After Suzy suggests a different order of buying groceries
Me:With my hand in the hand puppet gesture Meh MEH meh "Buy Spinach before bread" nah nah nyah nyah "more efficient".
Me: Don't get your tears all over my upholstery.
Me: Can you go get those books for me?
Suzy: No!
Me: You're a TERRIBLE librarian
Suzy: I'm a book conservator
Me: Then go conserve them, you're a terrible conservator
Suzy: You've done a terrible job de-stringing these snow peas.
Me: What?
Suzy: These are ruined.
Me: Oh no, are you serious?
Suzy: No, no. These are great.
Suzy: You were right, the garlic salt was a good idea.
Me: Hey, sometimes I know what I'm doing
Suzy: Oh yeah? I know something, I know I made ALL of this stir fry and you did squat!
Me: I can't hear you over the sound of you sucking at that.
Me: Geez I'm tired, I don't want to go to work tomorrow.
Suzy: Screeching OOOOH MY GOOOD YOU HAVE TO WORK AT NIIIIINE UNTIL NOOOOON. How ever will you SUUURVIVE.
Suzy: Can you get some lighting in here that isn't directly overhead? When I lie down I get blinded.
Suzy: Are you making the tiny violin gesture?
Me: No this is the "that costs money" gesture. THIS is the tiniest violin, playing Just. For. You. OW QUIT BITING ME OW
5 Comments:
In case anyone is going to call me a cheater as well, I'm not eating pork, beef, poultry...basically anything that spends its life suffering and being loaded up with hormones.
Did you know that half of the chickens Tyson raises are crucified?
Scallops spend all of their time resting against a rock wall and sipping little filter feeder cocktails. They can kiss my ass.
It was GARLIC salt, not ONION powder...GEEZ! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
:P
Monday should be "Nice day". I should get you gifts, say only nice things, wear bright clothes.
Maybe I'll give you that shirt you hate that I love and you can burn it.
Sounds like you're a Pescetarian - an omnivore who excludes meat like cow, pig, chicken etc but eats fish and/or seafood.
My mom is one...and I eat my share of things like scallops/shrimp too....
Hey, where did Jeremy go...when I lived in Alaska and he still worked for AAA...he wrote for you guys...
-Amy
I like the idea of a nice day....balances things out....